breastfeeding two very different babies

​I never knew breastfeeding would be a full-time job. Honestly, I remember seeing moms nurse their babies in random places like restaurants or shopping malls when I was younger and thinking, "Wow, that looks so easy. You just lay them on your lap and they know what to do." Oh how naive I was :)

I decided I wanted to breastfeed when I was pregnant with our firstborn, Graham, a little over 4 years ago. Chris randomly asked me a couple weeks ago what made me so passionate about that decision, and I honestly didn't have a concrete, well thought out answer. I just said, "I'm not really sure. I just know that a mother's milk is the only food/nutrition on the planet that our bodies create, and when you think about the incredible benefits it has, why wouldn't I give it a good try?"
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Graham: Breastfed and pumped, then exclusively pumped

​​Once Graham was born, they placed him on my breast for his first feeding and it was definitely a struggle. He couldn't quite figure out how to latch, I didn't have "ideal breastfeeding nipples" (something every woman loves to hear, lol), and I ended up having to use a nipple shield anytime he nursed going forward. He was healthy, but slightly behind in the weight gain department. 

After 5 months of a combination of Graham nursing and pumping milk to put into a bottle for him, he decided he was done nursing altogether and we transitioned to bottle feeding only. This meant I had to pump every 3 hours around the clock (including overnight). 

Let me tell you: IT'S A GRIND. In fact, there were numerous mornings where Chris woke up and walked out into our living room to find me slouched over on the couch asleep with my boobs out and pump on. What a sight to behold...

​But, let's throw a wrench in there, shall we? Not only did Graham stop nursing at 5 months, my electric Medela InStyle pump also stopped working. It wasn't necessarily malfunctioning (although I do remember having some issues with the tubing), but my body stopped responding to it. I would maybe get an ounce per side when I pumped, and that was just not enough. So, out of frustration, Chris ran to the store one night to buy me a $40 hand pump to try. PROBLEM SOLVED.

For whatever reason, from the moment I used the hand pump I started getting several ounces per side per pumping session, which was a major game changer (side note: there were several days/nights when we had no milk in the freezer and were down to our last bottle of milk in the fridge. It was extremely stressful and I was constantly just "getting by"). There's a reason they call it "liquid gold."

So, I exclusively used this hand pump for the following eight months. I used a manual hand pump every 3-4 hours (each pumping session ranging between 45 to 90 minutes), 7 days a week, for 8 months. Am I crazy? Probably. Was I committed? Absolutely.

I pumped in my car...
I pumped behind an outdoor public restroom in the middle of a Florida Georgia Line concert (shout out to my BFF Nicki who held a jacket up in front of me while yelling at a concert staff member "she's pumping her breast!")... 
I even pumped while walking around decorating my mother's backyard for Graham's first birthday party--breast pump in use in one hand, balloons in the other. Her neighbor's got a real show that day...

This was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

​My arms (forearms, specifically) were exhausted. I was sleep deprived from having to wake several times a night to pump simply to keep my milk supply up. I was stressed more than ever before because we only had enough breast milk in the fridge for *maybe* the next feeding or two. It was a constant struggle to keep up.

I had people telling me constantly to "just give him formula" or saying to me "why are you still doing this? It would be so much easier to switch to formula. You'll get to sleep through the night, too."

But here's how I looked at it: it's one year. Only one. In the grand scheme of my life, sacrificing convenience and sleep for one year in order to give my child the best nutrition on the planet is worth it to me. 

So, from month 5 until Graham was 13 months old, I exclusively pumped around the clock and was able to successfully feed Graham nothing but breast milk for his first year of life. I'm pretty sure Chris and I went out and had a celebratory dinner after my final pump...
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Olive: Exclusively breastfeeding (currently 6 months old)

​As you may know, Olive is our rainbow baby after two pregnancy losses over the course of about 18 months of trying to conceive. Olive broke my water at home, sent us to the hospital, and entered this world less than 24 hours later. 
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It's funny--I remember feeling guilty for not talking to Olive as much while I was pregnant with her as I did with Graham's pregnancy. In an effort to protect our hearts, Chris and I hesitated to get attached to this pregnancy too quickly because we were afraid we'd lose her. Because of this, I remember thinking, "I wonder if she's going to like me...What if she has no interest in me, or what if we're not close when she grows up?" Fast forward to present day and I can tell you one thing for certain: Olive is addicted to mama. 

I don't say that with any arrogance--I say it because she has refused a bottle her entire little life. Olive came out of the womb nursing like a pro. You'd swear she'd been practicing in utero somehow. From the moment she was placed on my breast, she knew exactly what to do. 

Olive was also a colicky baby. The most challenging weeks we've had in the newborn stage. Chris and I were sleep deprived as it was as newborn parents, but add colic to the mix, and it becomes a level of sleep deprivation only the "parents of colicky babies club" knows. She would work herself up for no reason and be absolutely hysterical, and the one and only thing that could calm her down was nursing. 

Olive is now 6 months old and still nurses every 2-3 hours (closer to the 2 hour mark), still refuses a bottle, and still gets hysterical if her hunger strikes and I'm not in sight. I have been tethered to this little chunk for the last 6 months, only sneaking away from her long enough to take a Pure Barre class or run to a meeting for work. 

Is it exhausting? YES. Is it worth it? Absolutely. As tough as it is having a baby who refuses to eat any other way except from you, it's the most incredible and special bonding experience I've ever had with someone. 

It's SO hard to explain.

The way Olive looks up at me while she's nursing is a form of communication that's hard to describe. Breastfeeding forms a bond that only a mother and child can have. Every time she opens her eyes and looks at me, or places her tiny hand on my face, or uses all her fingers to grip onto one of mine, I know she's expressing how much she loves that special time with me.

I would have never thought in a million years that after the experience I had with Graham, that I would then have a baby who would be such a great nurser. Despite the two completely different experiences I've had with breastfeeding, they've both proven to be very hard. Breastfeeding is a huge commitment and sacrifice. Here are a few tips and things I've learned along the way if you're choosing to breastfeed...
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Some tips and takeaways...

• Buy a Haakaa. I was told about this $13 miracle in the hospital by the lactation nurse and I've used it for the last 6 months instead of my electric pump (in fact, my electric pump is still wrapped up and in the box--that's how awesome the Haakaa is and how well it works). You place it on one boob while you nurse from the other. It catches all the milk from your let down that would normally be wasted in the nursing pad inside your bra, but now, you can save it from the Haakaa and build up a milk stash in your freezer quickly and easily!

• Always have a swaddle blanket on hand. I use a plain old swaddle blanket as a nursing cover up when I'm nursing in public (nothing fancy) and also to catch spit up once baby is done nursing. 

• Drink loads of water. Keeping your milk supply up can be quite difficult (especially with your first baby), so make sure to drink more water than you even think you need to. I have a large, Yeti-type tumbler and metal straw that I keep full of ice and water with me at all times. I probably drink 8-10 of these a day. 

• If you learn how to focus while nursing, you can "force" a let down to happen. During Olive's colicky stage, there were times when I had nursed her in the last hour, but she was hysterical and we needed to calm her down again and nursing was the only way to do that. My breasts were essentially empty, but I focused on Olive, her crying, and focused on my let down (hopefully that makes sense) and thats when another let down would happen. Our bodies are INCREDIBLE. 

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• And if you're having trouble with your letdown in general, try looking at your baby. If you're away from them and trying to pump, look at a picture of them, or better yet, a video of them. It's been proven that looking at your baby will help initiate your let down. I have found this to be 100% true. (Fun fact: Even the sound of another baby crying can initiate your let down. This happened to be in the aisles of Target when a complete stranger's baby began to cry, lol.)

• Breastfeeding can be extremely isolating. Often times I find myself in a separate room at a family function nursing Olive while everyone else is visiting with one another, or having to skip out on a fun night out with friends because Olive can't have me away from her for that long without eating. While the support for breastfeeding mamas is growing, there are still so many times when it makes you feel alone, isolated, and detached from the world. Try to remind yourself that you're doing something wonderful for your baby and focus on the close bond and relationship you're building by doing so. 

• Breastfeeding can do wonders for keeping your baby healthy. Olive was born in the end of January and in the middle of a nasty flu season. She was never sick. Not once. I'm no expert, so do your own Googling if you'd like, but from what I've read your breastmilk can change and adjust it's antibodies to whatever your baby is needing at that moment.  In fact, my husband was talking to a physician on a work trip recently who told him that there are studies and testing happening with breastmilk because they think it could help kill cancer. Once again, our bodies are absolutely incredible!

Lastly, I just want to say I'm here to encourage you if you're struggling with breastfeeding or are currently breastfeeding and thinking about giving up. I know the struggles and the isolation and the inconvenience that breastfeeding a baby can bring, and sometimes all you need is having someone whose been there to cheer you on and offer a little encouragement. Just think of me as the cheerleader for your boobs :)

If you read this whole thing, THANK YOU. It really means the world to me that anyone would be interested in reading what I have to say, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.