 At Mari Vineyards, one of the most beautiful vineyard views you'll get in Michigan. Highly recommend! Road tripping with an almost 2-year old was fun, but exhausting. (Let's just say there was an incident involving a poop explosion and a dollar store. I'll leave it at that). We did our homework beforehand and gathered some tips that made the trip a little easier, so I thought I'd share! 1. Daniel Tiger or [insert name of whatever animated show your toddler is obsessed with]. We don't have tv screens built into our cars, so we improvised using an iPad mini strapped to the head rest. There is a reason I am making this item number one. This was a GAME CHANGER.  2. New toys. My husband's aunt had this genius idea: go to the dollar store (or in my case, I went to the dollar section at Target, my homeland) and stock up on TONS of toys. When the kiddo gets cranky from being in the car seat, hand them a new toy. It'll buy you at least 5 or 10 minutes--enough time to reach your next exit for a pit stop. Which leads me to number 3...
3. Cracker Barrel. From what I can tell, there is a Cracker Barrel in just about every town. This was a brilliant pit stop location. Why? You get a clean bathroom, an opportunity to grab food (if you feel so inclined), and an endless toy store for your little one to roam around in and play as they recharge for the next leg of the trip. Plus, crispy edge pancakes. Need I say more? I hope you'll find these tips handy for your next trip!
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       DRESS \\ RING
It's finally Spring!!! The warm weather is rolling in and Easter is just around the corner. This flowy, lacey dress is perfect for Spring: wear it to Easter Sunday service, or to the wineries for a fun afternoon date (ok now I want to go to the wineries--who is with me?)! The best part is: it's under $60! I wear this ring ALL THE TIME. It's a classic piece that goes with just about everything. For some reason every time I wear it I envision my daughter wearing it one day (assuming I have a daughter eventually, lol). The designer supports women artisans across the world (each piece is handmade by them) and a portion of all the proceeds gets donated to women's charities. How awesome is that? So do your good deed for the day and go shop their site ;)     NECKLACE \\ TOP (Similar top here, here, here, and here)
Blush is the sweetest color and perfect for a date night with my hubby. I've been in love with this necklace from the moment I saw it (Chris bought it for me as a Christmas gift--smart man) and this designer's entire collection is absolutely to die for. I'm a sucker for details, so when I spotted this blouse at a local boutique I knew it was going to be perfect for future date nights. I linked the boutique above (their online store is coming soon), but also included some similar tops you can order online. Hope your Sunday is full of relaxation, wine, and lots of online shopping ;) P.S. The wine is A to Z's Pinot Noir. It's delish ;)        JEANS \\ TOP (similar) \\ KATE SPADE LETTER PENDANT NECKLACE \\ BLACK FAUX LEATHER JACKET (similar, and under $50!) \\ BOOTIES (similar) \\ SUNGLASSES (similar) \\ RING (similar, and under $20!) Fingers crossed, but I think the brutally cold weather may already be gone for the winter--we had 70 degrees this weekend in St. Louis! This was a great excuse to break out a tank top and my new favorite skinny jeans (they're so versatile!) and chase Graham around Main Street. These jeans are super mom-friendly. They have plenty of stretch, which makes it so much easier when you're squatting down to address a toddler tantrum. Best thing of all? They're currently under $100! P.S. Live in St. Louis? Visit MOss boutique on Main Street (their online shop is coming soon). They have these sunglasses and tons more styles for just $12! I work from home, which I am insanely thankful for. Thankful x 10 million. No exaggeration. It allows our family to save money on daycare, and gives me more time with G. However, that also means that (on some days) I have to get my work done while chasing after an 18-month old, which is not easy. I find myself feeling compelled to work at every minute of the day--even if it's 12:07am and I'm dozing off in a small pool of drool on my laptop--because my workplace is my home. I don't go to an office everyday. I don't have that separation between work and home, therefore, my entire house has become "my work". This is where the work-life balance struggle comes into play.  After recently listening to an episode of the financial podcast I subscribe to, I jotted down some notes as special guest Samantha Ettus discussed what she discovered about work-life balance, and it made everything click for me. Here were my 3 take aways... 1. Wherever you are, be present. I recently wrote about how one of my goals for 2017 is to be present when spending time with Graham. Samantha Ettus takes this one step further. She says wherever you are--whether work or home--be present. If you're at work, be totally focused on work, and when you get home to your family, be totally focused on your family. The reason this takeaway is so great is because it removes the guilt. If you're giving 100% to your work while you're at work, you'll have zero guilt shutting down your computer and email when you get home. In the same way, if you're giving your full attention to your spouse or kids when you're at home, you'll have zero guilt leaving them when it's time to jet off to work. One hour of focused time with your kiddo is better than a full day of distracted time with them. Stay focused and be present.  2. Drop the quest for perfection. You know that woman you're comparing yourself to on Instagram who has the perfect abs, beautiful clothes, and exciting career? Well guess what. She doesn't exist. Hallelujah!! No ones life is as you think it is. Focus on your own life and the beauty that's within it. It is impossible to spend all your time in all the places, so stop the fight, and realize that you'll have days where your work gets a little more of your time, and other days where your children dominate your day.  3. You can drop the ball and still be good. Samantha Ettus said something that stood out to me: You're going to miss things. You're going to forget about your kid's recital, or forget that today was "wear tie die to school" day. You're going to drop the ball. However, don't quit because you do. Many women think that if they eliminate one of the "pieces of their pie", (like their job, for example), that then they'll have the time to be perfect in their mom role. It isn't true. You're still going to drop the ball at mommyhood from time to time, so don't sacrifice your career (and the fulfillment that your career gives you) because you mess up every once in a while. You're going to mess up either way, so embrace it and move on.  Every day is going to have ups and downs. I'm going to have days where I've finally cleaned out my inbox and have nothing left on my work to-do list, and I'm going to have days where I can't remember if I showered and I'm eating goldfish crackers for lunch because that's all that's left in our pantry (sorry, Graham). As long as I'm present in the moment, steering clear of comparison, and granting myself a little grace when I mess up, then that's all I really need to feel balanced.   I'm sick of making New Years goals that I never keep or reach. It's dumb. I know I'm not the only one who is guilty of this. I decided this year I'm going to switch it up and make 3 goals that are generic enough to not be intimidating, and reasonable enough that I actually have a chance at reaching them. Genius! So, here are my goals of 2017...   1. Get behind the lens more. I love photography. I've grown to love it even more now that I have someone willing to teach me (my hubby)! It's been such a joy to watch Chris grow as a photographer year after year, and spending time together learning his craft sounds like a win-win to me.  2. Focus on being present. Nothing is worse than when you're in the room where your child is playing, you look up from your phone, then realize they've been looking at you--waiting for you to engage. No more of that. From now on when I'm getting down on the floor to play with Graham, the phone is going up on a shelf, in a drawer, under my Christmas tree (yes, it's still up)--wherever! I want Graham to grow up and remember that mommy was always present. As Chris worded so perfectly: "Instead of telling him not to play with the rocks, you get down there and play with him."    3. Be healthier. I don't consider myself the most unhealthy person in the world, but I could definitely clean up my eating habits a bit more (no more Trader Joe's cookie butter!), and find some motivation to get to the gym more than once a year (until someone figures out the secret to getting a summer body in one day). What I'm not going to do is say, "I'm going to lose 20 pounds and be in the best shape of my life!" In other words, the resolution I've made (and failed to meet) the last 4 or 5 years. Oops. If I can simply work on eating healthier and exercising on a semi-regular basis so that I feel good and strong, then I'm happy with that.   Something else I'd like to do in 2017 is clean out my closet and only hang on to pieces I really love and wear all the time. This Michael Kors leather jacket was a little bit of a splurge, but I wear it all the time and it's a classic staple. (Nordstrom no longer carries the one I'm wearing, but this one is really similar.)  I was in need of a good pair of brown leather booties that I could wear everyday, but I also wanted them to be comfortable. So, I ordered these cognac leather Born boots and they are my new favorite shoe. I wear them constantly.   I love big, chunky sweaters in the winter. I've been trying to quit my habit of buying cheaply made sweaters every winter, because they never last and I usually don't like the way they wear. This gray sweater from Ellie & June has an oversized, thick neck (which keeps you super warm) and has zippers at the elbows for a little edge (and it's on sale right now!). I hope you made some goals for yourself that are achievable and pressure-free, too. If so, let me know what they are in the comments below! Happy new year, everyone!  I'm not sure how to start this post. I usually don't have much trouble finding the right words to express how I feel, but this one is challenging. This one is different. Chris and I found out earlier this month that we lost baby Files #2. We miscarried. That word: miscarried. It sounds so much smaller than what it stands for. You hear that word, but not often. And what I've discovered in the almost two weeks since is that so many wonderful people have been affected by this word. However, it's rarely discussed one-on-one or even amongst friends. I'm writing this because I hope that maybe someone--anyone--who has gone through this heartache will read this and not feel alone.  This photograph was taken the morning of my friend's wedding--48 hours after finding out I was pregnant. Throughout the day I placed my hands on my stomach without even realizing it. To me, this photograph captured the instant bond I felt to our unborn child. Someone very close to me miscarried just two months prior to us, and it was absolutely devastating. I thought about them constantly.
I remember I would be standing in the shower and suddenly start crying and praying to God for this couple. I couldn't imagine the pain they must be going through. The questions they must have. The moments they must think about that they now will never get to experience here on this earth with that child. But, I knew that no matter what, I had no clue what they truly must be feeling because I had never gone through that tragic loss. I now know how they felt. "Was my child a boy or a girl? Did my child know how much I love them? He or she's due date was June 29th. Oh the pain we'll feel that day. Was my child sick? Is my child looking down on us from heaven? God, please take care of my child up there. Why did this have to happen? I trust you, Lord, but right now I just don't understand and want to understand. Will we ever conceive again? I will think of you every day for the rest of my life, sweet angel. Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We miss you..." The questions and thoughts have no end. They continue to roll through my mind, casting enormous grief in an instant. The grief never goes away, at least it hasn't yet. The battle between trusting the Lord's plan and yearning to understand is real. I fight it every single day. The worship song, Thy Will, comes to mind in these moments. I know you see me. I know you hear me, Lord. Your plans are for me. Goodness you have in store. Thy Will be done. We are not meant to understand, but it hurts. It hurts every morning when I wake up and see that my stomach has deflated just a little bit more. It hurts every afternoon as I'm sitting in silence, trying to work, and the sadness takes over. It hurts every evening, as I take my nightly prenatal vitamin, even though I know I no longer need to. We found out that we lost our baby on a Thursday, and the procedure wasn't until the following Tuesday. For those days in between, I held my stomach in my hands and spoke to our baby, because I wanted he or she to know that although they are gone, Mommy is still here. I took my vitamin every night, because even though he or she was gone, I wanted to do everything in my power to still take care of him or her. Walking back into the surgery room for the procedure was the most painful steps I've ever taken. The room was sterile. Bright white with bright lights. The staff was quiet. They laid me down on the table and all I could do was stare straight ahead, into the ceiling, and try my hardest not to cry. It was impossible. The weight I felt was a weight I've never felt before. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down the sides of my face. The nurse leaned over me and said, "It's ok to cry." And that was it. I drifted off to sleep in an instant. This was not the room I envisioned I would be in when my baby would be delivered. This was not a room where my husband could be at my side. This was a room where the staff are quiet and, truthfully, somber. Our doctor was emotional with us. This time in our lives, and this procedure, was not lost on him. His heart was heavy, too. This loss and sense of loneliness is arresting. I know I have the support of my husband, family, and friends, but the loneliness is real and it is deep. It's like I've built a cocoon around me and can't seem to emerge from it. At times, I'm not sure that I want to. I've channeled all of my energy into this Christmas. Decorating our house, making sure the tree looks perfect, buying plenty of gifts and wrapping them with bright, glittery bows, playing christmas music around the clock and baking, even though we already have an unnecessary mound of Christmas cookies just sitting on our counter. I wanted this Christmas to be perfect. I eventually realized that I wanted it to be perfect because I wanted to have a day where we could forget about all of the pain these past few weeks have caused; have one day as a family where we could smile and enjoy the day fully. I just needed something--anything--to focus on. Something that didn't take much brain power. The truth is, this Christmas isn't going to be perfect because of any decoration or present, it's going to be perfect because I have my husband, my son, and my faith. While our hearts continue to break, even when we think the pieces can't get any smaller, I remind myself that we're good. We have each other, we have our faith, and now, we have an angel in heaven watching over us and looking forward to the day when we can all celebrate Christmas together in heaven. Until then, Merry Christmas, my sweet angel.  Tis the season to be grateful. Don't get me wrong, I love Halloween and seeing all of the cute babies dressed up like animals with tails that drag behind them down the street, but Thanksgiving (and Fall in general) reminds me that it's important to be grateful. DISCLAIMER: I will say one thing I loathe about Halloween is the 3 weeks leading up to it, where I devour every last cookies n' cream hershey bar and reese's cup in sight. No worries, I'll restock before the 31st. Scratch that. I will restock ON the 31st to ensure I can't possibly eat that entire batch of candy as well.    Anyways, life is just really good right now, and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. I can't help but think that I will look back at this exact moment in time years from now and say, "Gosh, those were the days. I would give anything to go back." These are the days. The days where Graham is constantly hitting new milestones and learning to do new things like walk and talk, days where Chris and I both worked our butts off but loved every minute of it because we enjoy our jobs, and days we spend with our families and realize that nothing makes us happier than to grow in our relationships with our parents and siblings now that we're all adults.    It's so easy to get wrapped up in the daily grind and think, "Ugh, I'm so stressed out" or "I wish we made just a little more money so we could afford x, y, or z", but when I step back and look at our lives, I realize we have everything we could possibly need and then some. We have a roof over our heads, reliable transportation, jobs that we actually enjoy, a beautiful son, and a church where we are planting roots. Everything else is just a bonus. Sometimes it takes a real hardship in the family to make you realize you're blessed beyond imagination--and indeed we've had some hardships in both our families recently--but faith and gratefulness have seen us through these times and continue to do so.    Isn't it funny how as you grow older your dreams evolve and change? I remember when I was much younger dreaming of a big fancy house, traveling all over the world, etc., but what I didn't factor into my dreams was the husband and kids, because I just assumed that was a "given". Boy was I wrong. There are women who have lost their husbands in the line of duty, men who have lost their wives to cancer, and couples who are facing heartbreak and hardship every day as they try and try to conceive. None of these are "givens". They are blessings.     I'm so grateful for our health, and never want to take that for granted. I'm grateful for a supportive and loving husband, who makes me laugh EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I'm grateful for our beautiful son, who makes my world light up every morning when he flashes me that sleepy smile and claps for his morning toast. I'm grateful for Chris' family, who welcomed me in with open arms and didn't say, "Chris, you're crazy!" after proposing to me 11 months into our relationship (at least I don't think they said that...). I'm grateful for my family, who love me and are brutally honest when I need it, despite knowing how stubborn I am. (And quite frankly, grateful for a mother that didn't go running for the hills at any point while raising 3 hormonal daughters).     All in all, these days are wonderful, beautiful, and flying by. I hope to always remember these days through photographs like these, and to remember just how blessed our lives have been. These are the days.   We visited Rombach Pumpkin Patch and had sooo much fun. I'm pretty sure Graham thought the pumpkins were balls, which explains why he wanted to touch and play with EVERY SINGLE PUMPKIN (he was clearly too busy focusing on the pumpkins to look up at the camera). One of the wonderful things about fall is that pumpkins make it so easy to decorate your home, which allows you to appear as a festive, put-together mom (when in reality you're an over-worked, over-tired, and forgetful mess, buy hey--pumpkins!).  I love following other women on IG that are going through the same daily grind as me: women who are balancing work (often times multiple jobs, like myself), special time with kiddos, special time with hubby, and trying desperately to maintain friendships (and the thousand other requirements of daily life). It's really, really hard, isn't it? I'm naturally not a very organized person, so it's really tough for me to set a schedule and stick to it. I'm easily distracted, and like to think I can do 10 things at once ("I can do laundry, respond to an email, blow-dry my hair, and eat breakfast at the same time, right?"). I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about how I can better prioritize my time, so that I'm getting the most out of every hour of the day, but it's hard when I don't keep normal hours. Does anyone else face this dilemma?  I'm not sure if I'll ever truly figure out how to delegate my time efficiently, but I think baby steps are enough progress for now. Chris is amazing for many reasons, but one of the greatest things about him is how considerate he is of others. One of the things that have been on my back burner is exercise. When there are so many obligations in life, I tend to put the things that solely serve me at the bottom of the list. However, something Chris said to me this morning really stuck with me: "You have to treat things that are important to you like you would an appointment. Set a time to do them, and make that the priority at that time." He made me realize that if I feel better about myself, then that equips me to be a better mom and a better wife. So, while I don't have every hour of the next week beautifully penciled into my planner, I do have a couple nights a week reserved for my own physical rejuvenation. And that's progress.            Today marks 2 years of marriage for Chris and I, and honestly, it has flown by. How has it been 2 years already?!? As I look back on these speedy two years, there are many things I've learned, but 4 in particular that I thought I would share. 1. Kids challenge your marriage. This is very, very true. I'm talking serious talk now. Just when you think you've figured out everything there is to figure out about your spouse, God throws a kid into the mix and says, "Good luck!" Many of our days have included one or both of us saying: "Oh, you're really not a morning person, I see" or "I haven't showered in 3 days and can't even stand to smell myself, but you still love me, right?" and last but not least "Will you take the screaming baby for a while? I'm about to lose my damn mind." These are just a few of the things that came out of our mouths since Graham was born. Having a kiddo will push you both to your breaking point (especially a newborn that won't stop screaming), and having a spouse that still loves you at 3am when you're exhausted, cranky, and have 3 inch bags under your eyes is major. I truly believe that if you can survive those first 6 months with a newborn, that you can survive anything.  2. Make time to recharge together. We all say it: "We're so busy." And, no doubt, it's true for all of us, but it's soooo important to make time to not only recharge, but to recharge together. Life gets in the way: we're trying to meet a deadline at work, we haven't seen our friends in ages, there's dinner to cook and grocery shopping to be done, you're running out the door for your little one's gym class, etc. It's easy to let life take over. It's easy to forget to stop and look at each other to say, "How are you doing? Truly, how are you really doing?" Chris and I make it a point to recharge together every night even if it's as simple as having a glass of wine together in the kitchen as we prep dinner, but going one step further, we try our best to get out for a date night once every other month or so to truly reconnect with no distractions. And ya know what? Every time we do, we end the night saying, "I really needed that. Thank you, and I love you." It may sound simple, but it's so vital for us.   3. Be supportive, but be honest. It's so important to support your spouse. That's part of the very foundation of a marriage, but it's also important to help your spouse make smart decisions (and to keep them from making bad ones). There have been times when one or both of us have struggled with a decision, whether personal or professional, and relied on the other to help us tip the scale. Now that we're in our thirties and supporting a family together, we have an obligation to think twice as hard on decisions that will affect us all. I've learned that it's best to encourage each other's passions, while always looking out for the greater good of your family. It's all about balance.  4. Never stop fighting. I know, this sounds weird. What I mean is this: never stop fighting for each other. Never stop fighting for the strength of your bond, never stop fighting for alone time with the other, and never stop fighting for the courage to be open, honest, and vulnerable at all times. If you always fight, you'll grow stronger together--I promise :) I have a million and one more things to learn about marriage, but thankfully I have the rest of a lifetime to learn and a smoking hot classmate ;) Happy anniversary, love.  Photos by Catherine Rhodes Photography
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